For years, Army veteran Brian Lofton was caught in a downward spiral, being sucked underneath by the crushing weight of dependancy and melancholy that almost ruined his life.
It wasn’t till Lofton discovered solace in religion, turning to God to assist pull him from the brink, that he was lastly capable of flip his life round.
Lofton chronicles his intense journey in, “Damaged Boots, Redeemed Soul: A Veteran’s Conflict with Sin and Salvation,” a refreshingly sincere, emotionally gripping memoir that examines psychological well being and the fierce pull of dependancy. Together with on line casino playing, Lofton additionally battled issues with medication and alcohol.
The e-book, launched in January, has garnered a number of optimistic critiques on Amazon.
“The e-book is a candid account of the invisible battles many veterans face—untreated trauma, dependancy, guilt, religious disconnection, and all-time low—adopted by profound restoration via obedience to the gospel and God’s grace,” Lofton instructed Army.com. “Readers describe it as ‘uncooked, actual, and wanted,’ ‘a lightweight at nighttime,’ and ‘gripping’ for understanding veteran trauma and religion restoration.”
The Lure of Playing
For Lofton, playing – by far – has been the veteran’s worst dependancy to shake. Only in the near past, he visited a on line casino close to his residence in Tahlequah, Oklahoma.
“With playing, it’s like I give up one factor after which picked up one other factor. I give up smoking however picked up cigars. And once I was in Germany, (within the Army), I began consuming alcohol fairly closely,” Lofton stated. “I’d spend most of my paycheck on the weekends simply consuming as a lot as I may to kind of reorient my thoughts into one thing else.
Then after the Army, I had my first introduction to medication … marijuana, cocaine, LSD … I wasn’t going to stay a needle in my arm, so I assume I drew the road someplace. I’m not even positive what led me to stroll via these on line casino doorways, however that’s the way it developed. It sort of began with alcohol after which moved into medication after which being within the on line casino, and the excessive I received from that changed these different addictions.”
Residing in Oklahoma, with 39 Native American reservations, tops within the U.S., doesn’t assist Lofton’s playing behavior. The Sooner State boasts 143 casinos throughout 33 tribes in 50 counties, greater than another state.
“I actually can’t go from one city to the following with out seeing a playing facility, and new ones are popping up on a regular basis, even in these small, rural cities,” Lofton stated.
For somebody with a playing dependancy, it’s the equal of an alcoholic residing in New Orleans’ French Quarter. Temptation lurks round nearly each nook.
“These days, you’ll be able to’t spit with out hitting a playing facility,” Lofton stated. “However even again within the ‘90s, after I left the army, there have been extra services round. Playing is one in every of these items the place it’s a lifetime battle. I give up smoking chilly turkey and whereas I nonetheless have urges to smoke every so often, playing is horrible stuff.”
A Life’s Dream Curtailed
However for Lofton, Oklahoma is residence. It’s the place he grew up and fell in love with army life, taking part in “Army” within the woods as a child close to his home. He joined the Army earlier than graduating highschool in 1990, thrilled to pursue his dream.
“I signed up for the Army Reserves and received into infantry as a result of I wished to be on the tip of the spear,” Lofton stated. “I had the desires of grandeur – I wished to be Delta, you realize. I wished to be the very best. Fundamental coaching for me was like summer season camp as a result of I liked it.”
Having been raised by a really strict father, Lofton was ready for no matter harassment his drill sergeants threw at him.
“He was an previous farm boy and had his concepts of self-discipline,” Lofton stated of his dad. “And the coaching actually didn’t actually trouble me as a result of I used to be doing what I at all times wished to do. It was a life’s dream. Man, I couldn’t have liked it anymore.”
Nonetheless, it wouldn’t be lengthy earlier than a promising army profession turned bitter, ending somewhat abruptly after three years. Lofton separated from the Army in March 1993 as a personal first-class. He hoped to make use of his laptop information to work in fight operations, however develop a ability set to assist him land a civilian job if he had been to go away the army.
He went into energetic responsibility, graduating from Fort Sill with honors, and was despatched to Germany. What ought to have been an thrilling time for Lofton developed right into a nightmare.
“Politics of unit life kicked in, and expectations weren’t flowing via. In the end, I attempted to get reassigned to Korea and despatched again to the infantry. I wanted to get again to what I actually love,” Lofton stated. “Then sooner or later, I had an incident the place a roommate put a knife to my throat. And that wasn’t even the worst factor; there have been some coaching incidents that generated some scars that, once they’re occurring, you don’t actually assume a lot of them, then they begin presenting themselves in nightmares and emotional outbursts that you simply simply don’t know the place they got here from.”
He was despatched to Frankfurt for a psychological analysis and was instructed he had a persona dysfunction. A choose advocate basic met with Lofton, examined his case, and dismissed the outcomes of the analysis. In line with Lofton, nonetheless, with no backing from his sergeant, the choose advocate authorized his honorable discharge anyway. Lofton was free from army obligation.
Greater than 30 years later, Lofton’s bitter breakup with the Army nonetheless rattles him emotionally.
“When it’s your life dream, your complete life identification is round one thing like that,” Lofton stated via tears. “And within the service, you’re in it 24/7. … It was an actual damaging collection of occasions and that transition again into civilian life was the scariest factor.”
Falling and Rising Once more
Lofton’s memoir takes a sobering take a look at the emotional and religious toll of life within the army and unhealed scars. Lofton additionally believes his private story of battling dependancy will resonate with readers, particularly within the age of sports activities betting, a multi-billion-dollar enterprise that has lured hundreds of thousands extra folks into the throes of playing.
“Man, I don’t know what this bubble goes to appear to be when it lastly hits and the inhabitants is simply decimated by (playing) however I’ve seen the brokenness of individuals entering into there and scrounging for quarters, begging for greenback payments and other people moving into fights, lamenting about how they’ve spent their complete paycheck in order that they don’t even know the right way to pay the lease or their automobile cost,” Lofton stated. “So, the life influence is simply horrible, even for me immediately.”
In his story, Lofton grapples with the crippling feeling of disgrace and considering he was “too far gone” to be saved. However his e-book additionally supplies perception into how he rose above his addictions, leaning on religion and discovering a renewed goal in life.
When he’s not writing, Lofton works to assist different veterans. As a senior advantages advisor for the Veterans Community Champions Membership, Lofton assists veterans seeking to navigate the advanced system of making use of for advantages.
“So far as the story inside me goes, working with veterans day by day and serving to them with their incapacity claims, and attempting to determine that course of, I got here to understand fairly shortly that all of us assume we’re damaged, and all people else has it collectively,” Lofton stated. “That isn’t actually the story. The fact is that almost all of us have loads of shared life experiences, or how we course of these experiences. So, I assumed possibly it will be good to inform this story and let my disgrace hold on the market to hopefully present some hope for anyone to lean into as a result of religion is the middle a part of my life.”
