GUEST COLUMN: Eat My Mind Pudding, It is Scrumptious

‘Joe Biden isn’t a query of health to function president’

• September 22, 2022 4:59 am

Editor’s wordThe opinions expressed on this column are solely these of the writer, Joseph R. Biden, writing in his private capability as an American citizen and Scranton-born prepare fanatic. They don’t purport to mirror the opinions or views of the Washington Free Beacon or these of Joseph R. Biden in his official capability as President of the US. 

My fellow People,

I simply did 29 push-ups. The true sort, no knees. Assume you may beat that? After all I am not as younger as I was. Again in these days we used to drive out to the coloured, excuse me, the east facet of Wilmington. I used to be the one honky lifeguard on obligation and the third-best energy ahead within the state of Delaware. We used to play within the initiatives, referred to as the Bucket, I swear to God. There was a younger punk named Shoelace who tried to spice up my signet ring throughout a three-on-three, shirts and skins. I used to be at all times on the skins workforce, or I would not play. Let’s simply say I gave him the complete Irish. You shoulda seen the look on his face. It is like my outdated man used to inform me.


I am penning this to declare that my psychological is concentrated. 100%. I no extra consider myself as being as outdated as I’m than fly. After all I respect the rights of the folks—”We maintain this fact, all women and men properly endowed by their creator, equal”—to have their very own opinions. Individuals may say “You are outdated” or “Joe Biden is not match to be serve the presidents of United States.” Simply watch me. Attempt to struggle me. Go forward. Your fats ass would not final a goddamn minute within the Bucket. My mind is the pudding, and that is proof. Eat me and discover out. Sincere to God.

Barack and I, excuse me, Dr. Jill and her husband—that is me—could not be extra pleased with our 17 grandchildren. They do not need me to speak in regards to the stripper Hunter knocked up, so I will not. I forgot what I used to be making an attempt to say. Anyway, we had them throughout to Camp David over the summer season to satisfy the generals. They pulled up a high-frequency map of the South China Sea on the slide projector. He says to me, “Joe, that is the place we would launch the nukes when China invades Taiwan.” We’re speaking a couple of full-scale deployment of American troops to defend the island. Not just like the U.S. particular forces hiding out in Russia to depose Putin, that son of a bitch.

These of us complaining about, “My God, inflation was 8.2 % final month.” Let’s put this in perspective. You will have a former president—I will not say his identify—20 million lifeless on his watch. We trusted the science, and guess what? The pandemic is over. It isn’t a nationwide emergency. I put on a masks outdoors as a result of they inform me to, however I take it off to observe The Black Listing, hearken to information, and make like to my spouse. You folks may not know this about me however I am a automotive man. God as my witness. You gotta see these new Corvettes they’re rolling off the meeting line on the Detroit Auto Present. Photo voltaic-powered V8, zero to sixty in 1.7 seconds. Union made. The forearms on these fellas—I can not contact, it is not allowed—but it surely’s like squeezing an elephant’s truck. You suppose I am joking?


Joe Biden isn’t a query of health to function president. Repeat the road. Joe Biden isn’t a query of health to function president. You be the choose. I nonetheless trip my bike with out the coaching wheels. I can bench-press a 12-year-old, boy or woman. I have never used the stair carry in weeks. The proof is in my pudding. I eat it each evening all on my own with knife and fork. Belief the method. As my good buddy Ted Kennedy as soon as stated, “Age do not imply a factor in case you can afford lawyer.” God love him. What? I am being informed to wrap it up.

Thanks and God bless America and will God prect [sic] our troops.

Joseph R. Biden

Finish of column.

(Dictated however not learn)

Joseph R. Biden, 79, is a Washington, D.C., resident. He’s the daddy of Hunter Biden, a semi-renowned artist, vitality govt, and gents’s membership patron.